It’s crazy how fast time is flying with both Dad’s & your birthday approaching in a couple of days. I’d give anything to have you both back here to celebrate with you. I’d make Dad a baileys cake with a Tim-Tam side, you know how much he liked them both. I’d get you your favourite, an American Baked Cheesecake. You would no doubt take the leftovers back to the village to share with the girls during your 3C’s catch ups like you so often did. I know Barbara & the girls there miss you a lot too.
I miss you Nan, so much so that sometimes I can’t breathe. We lost both Dad and, then you, so suddenly. When you went in for your last surgery I knew how you felt. You told me you’d had enough while you tightly gripped my hand, squeezing it. I knew what you meant Nan, even though I didn’t want to let my mind wander that way. When you barely made it out of surgery and were then in an induced coma, I knew what I had to tell the doctors to do, as much as I didn’t want to.
I understood Nan, that after losing your son, and dealing with a lot of other heartache over the years, that you needed some peace finally, to be with your son & your beloved husband who you’d missed every day for over 20 years. We all understood Nan.
You’d be so happy Nan, Trudi has moved out our way so we can help look out for her too. I just grabbed Mitch from school and she is literally on the way home so it was only natural to call in and say hi and see how the unpacking and the kids were going. The kids were so happy and excited to see Mitch, they love him so much. We’re going furniture shopping for the kids rooms maybe on the weekend and Medi has opted for a Barbie theme whilst Tilly a sports one. The kids often still ask about you, their Nanny, so you’re never very far from anyone’s thoughts, which isn’t surprising given the effect you had on so many people’s lives.
I’ve started up a business Nan, to help to educate people about Mental Health. We both used to have long chats about it and now you have helped to make it a reality. I just hope to do you proud Nan. You know how much I’ve wanted to try to end the stigma surrounding mental health and talking about what really is happening rather than keeping it to yourself, which never really helps anyone. It took me a while to get you to open up Nan, to actually admit you needed help too, that you weren’t coping after what happened all those years ago. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way I’d often tell you, that you were the bigger person. I understood how much it hurt Nan, we were very much alike as people often told us.
One thing you probably wouldn’t be happy about, but I love and cherish every single day when I look down and see it, is that I got a tattoo in both memory of you and Dad. I found my 21st Birthday signing book and you’d signed off with your usual, “Love always, Nanna”, so I got your loving words and handwriting tattooed on my arm. In the same book Dad has signed off with “Love You Lots, Daddy” and again, that’s exactly what I had tattooed on my arm. I quite often find myself looking down fondly at your writing, tracing my fingers over them, knowing that Dad and his love of tattoos would love what I’d done, whilst you, I’m sure, would be shaking your head cursing at me using all of my names including my middle and confirmation name. Anyone knows that if the middle name is used, let alone the confirmation name, that they’re surely in trouble but I know that you’d secretly be touched by the gesture.
I’d better sign off for now Nan, Mitch is asking for dinner & he’s starving apparently. What’s new hey, he & all the boys are still growing. Stevie has taken the lead at 6”1 but Paddy isn’t that far behind him. Mitch and Lukey are pretty much even and they tend to measure themselves up against each other in hope the other has taken the lead. Boys huh.
Happy Birthday Nan for Friday. We’ll all celebrate your birthday as if you were still here with us Nan.
I love you and miss you.